who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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