I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
