Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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