Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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