Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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