My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
