He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
