it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
