Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
