seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
