what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
