Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
