A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
