its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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