3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
