BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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