i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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