First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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