we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
