11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
pray to the hookup gods
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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