I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
