I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Randomize
