Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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