So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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