Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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