i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
