people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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