"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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