is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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