I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
