you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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