woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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