just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
