dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
