I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
