Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
