Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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