im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
