My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
