the only muscles i have these days is kegels
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
