When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
