I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
