I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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