She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
