Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
