Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
