There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
