actually, I'm a sock model
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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