we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
