Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
