You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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