Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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