Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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