I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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